Unlocking the Power of Your "Idle Time": More Hours Than You Think!

I often hear people say they're busy or that they simply don't have enough time. And while we all have the same 24 hours in a day, I've realized that the secret to finding "more time" isn't about compromising sleep (because, seriously, who needs that health hit?). Instead, it's all about how we view and manage those often-overlooked "idle times." You know, those moments spent commuting, stuck in traffic, waiting in lines, or even just chilling between meetings. I truly believe we have a surprising amount of unproductive hours that we can flip into gold.

In my article, I dive into 10 (plus a little bonus "questionable" one!) brilliant ways I've found to make these small pockets of time work for us, helping us chip away at tasks and reach our goals.

First up, educating myself. This is a total no-brainer for maximizing those dead zones. When I'm driving, I love popping on an educational podcast or audiobook. On public transport or waiting in line, I grab a good book. You can even learn while doing chores around the house!

Next, I'm a huge fan of creating lists. I used to suffer from anxiety and sleepless nights because my mind was just overflowing with things to do and random thoughts. That's why I swear by lists! A "To Do" list is super effective for recording tasks and planning my day, but I also make shopping lists, "customers to call" lists, "books to read" lists, and even a "What to do" list for those days when I'm just not sure what to do with myself. Honestly, some of the productive ways I share in this very article are part of my own "What to do" list!

Then, there's catching up with family or friends over the phone. We get so wrapped up in our daily grind that sometimes our connections can fray. I find that squeezing in some short phone calls or quick texts during idle time can really help bridge those relationship gaps. I'm not a huge fan of public phone calls, but texting works perfectly. While waiting for service or for my meal, I might give my parents a quick call or text friends I haven't seen in a while to plan an outing. I even know a friend whose kids studying overseas send her random photos of their food or daily activities via WhatsApp – it's so much more personal than just scrolling social media!

And for those small tasks that are important but not necessarily urgent? I say check 'em off! These little things can be a real pain if left unchecked. Idle times are perfect for getting them off my To Do list so I can prioritize the bigger stuff. Responding to an email, paying a bill, booking tickets, or filing receipts – these are all perfect for quick grabs of time, especially if I've already prepared my To Do list.

Who doesn't love a good snooze? I used to commute by train and loved my 45-minute nap luxury. So, yes, taking a short nap is on my list, especially if my work demands high concentration. A quick power nap can seriously re-energize me.

If I'm constantly on the go, moving from meeting to meeting, work to work, I've learned that practicing mindfulness is key. Sometimes, doing absolutely nothing is exactly what my mind needs. I practice being in the moment, silencing my mind, or doing some breathing exercises. It's incredibly beneficial for de-stressing.

For those who genuinely "don't have time" for the gym, I suggest short workouts. There's no need to slave away for an hour. If I have extra time after lunch breaks, I'll walk to a nearby park. If I'm doing video conferencing, why not grab my dumbbells and do some weight lifting? Just remember to angle that camera right so you're not panting on screen – that would be a little weird!

Writing or reviewing goals is another crucial use of my idle time. I used to be one of those people who'd set yearly goals and then... not really look at them again. But I've realized that to achieve my goals, it's important to pay close attention to them. I keep my goals written down or use apps like OneNote or Evernote. Whenever I have a spare moment, I take them out and review them. I might realize I've achieved some and want to set new ones. Doing this daily really helps me eliminate distractions and stay focused on my objectives.

Most successful people keep a journal, and I can attest to its power. Whenever I have the time to spare, I journal my thoughts. It helps clear my mind, and I can review it in the future. Plus, if you're a writer or blogger like me, journaling is fantastic writing practice. I've found that 10-15 minutes of journaling everyday can even help overcome writer's block. I used to blog inconsistently because I ran out of topics, but I realized it was more about not being confident in expressing my thoughts. Journaling helped!

Finally, I highly recommend learning a new language or improving your vocabulary. Being born and raised in Malaysia, I'm already multi-lingual, speaking and understanding three languages and two dialects! Even with English as my first language, there's always room for improvement in grammar and vocabulary. Learning a new language also provides an incredible opportunity to expand our knowledge of different cultures. Apps like Duolingo make it super easy.

And finally… there’s one not-so-productive way that I think can be beneficial nonetheless: playing games! I don't know about you, but I absolutely love playing games – mind games, trivia, board games, and especially video games! I even keep a deck of Monopoly Deal cards in my car so I can grab them and play with whoever I'm with while waiting for a movie or friends. Other games you can play during your idle time can be anything on your phone that helps you relax and de-stress. While brain-activity games are more "productive," I'm not uptight about it. When I'm not working or studying, I just want to let loose and immerse myself in my little fantasy world of gaming.

Ultimately, by spending my idle time effectively, I've found that I can increase my productivity and actually feel like I have more time as a result. Most importantly, I don't have to compromise what I enjoy doing just because my schedule is packed. I encourage you to look for those idle times you can "steal" throughout your day!

Want to check out the original article itself?

Read my full article here!

If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for everything

This is a journal entry from December 3, 2012

This is a phrase I'm sure many of you have heard before. I’ve heard it countless times too, but it never really hit me until Lorraine said it to me.

Recently, when I was being skeptical and tried to sway her from believing so strongly in something unproven, she calmly said, “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for everything.”

I still don’t agree with the issue we were debating, but I gained a deeper respect for her.

You see, she wasn’t trying to influence me or prove she was right. She simply asked me to respect her for what she believes in. If she had agreed with me just to keep the peace, she would've thrown away years of personal beliefs and lived experiences. That would’ve made her… the old me. The version of myself that was too eager to please, quick to agree with everyone just to avoid conflict.

I used to be a “yes” person, easygoing and agreeable to almost anything people threw at me. I was always so afraid to speak my mind for fear of offending someone. I told people what they wanted to hear, not what they needed to hear. And while that made me likable, it didn’t make me respected.

Lorraine, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. She’s opinionated, speaks her mind, and stands firm in what she believes is right and true. Sometimes, I get so frustrated when we argue about our differing views that I want to pull her hair out but you know what? That’s one of the things I love about her.

Whenever I have a new idea or theory I’m unsure about, I’ll invite her out for coffee and we’ll debate it until we either find a satisfying conclusion or agree to disagree. People watching might think we’re about to bite each other’s heads off, but there are never any hard feelings between us.

That phrase she said didn’t suddenly change who I am, I’ve been someone who stands firm in my beliefs for about three years now. But it did help me realize something important: I don’t have to impose my beliefs on others. We all have different experiences, and those shape what we believe.

Instead of trying to convert people to my way of thinking, I should aim to share what I know, and just as importantly, be open to hearing what they’ve learned that led them to see the world the way they do.

I cannot want your success more than you do

 In my mid-20s, I got involved in the network marketing world. Say what you will about the industry: the one thing it does well is pump people full of personal development wisdom. Motivational talks, team huddles, daily doses of “you got this!” — it was like self-help on steroids and at that point of time, I needed that.

And buried in all that hype was one sentence that still punches me in the gut today:

“I can’t want your success more than you do.”

At the time, I brushed it off like just another pep talk. But looking back, I realize it’s one of the truest, hardest lessons I’ve ever learned especially when I started coaching and mentoring others.

Inspiration Isn’t Enough: You Can’t Carry People Who Won’t Walk

Whether you’re a team leader, mentor, freelancer, or even just a super enthusiastic friend trying to support someone — this hits home. You can pour your heart and soul into helping someone grow. You can hand them the roadmap, clear the obstacles, and even walk beside them.

But if they’re not willing to take the steps themselves? Nothing moves.

Not in business.
Not in growth.
Not in anything that requires consistent effort and ownership.

Inspiration only works if the other person wants to be inspired. Growth only happens if they choose to grow. Otherwise, you’re just wasting your breath.

When Drive Doesn’t Match

After leaving full-time employment, I started working with small businesses as a marketing consultant and project manager. Some partnerships felt like magic. The business owners were all-in: passionate, focused, hungry. Working with them was a joy.

But then there were the other ones. The ones who hired me, paid me, nodded along during meetings but never actually moved. It didn’t matter how many strategies I rolled out or how hard I worked. If the decision-makers weren’t making decisions, we were all just spinning wheels. Sad to say, the business didn’t grow.

Because, again, I cannot want your success more than you do.

The Hard Questions We Don’t Ask Enough

At some point of your professional or personal life, you’ve probably dragged someone across the finish line only to realize they were never in the race.

So here’s what we all need to ask:

• Do they want it enough?
• Are we aligned in vision and effort?
• How much of my time, energy, and even money am I pouring into someone who’s just… coasting?

Because the brutal truth is: when you stay too long in partnerships where you’re the only one paddling, you’re not just wasting time, you’re robbing yourself of the chance to build something better with someone who is ready.

Protect Your Energy

Your energy is limited. Your time is precious. And your success? It starts with how badly you want it, not how much someone else does. Working with people who don’t care enough is exhausting.

So here’s what I’ve learned (the hard way):

• Align yourself with people who match your energy.
• Know when to walk away from those who don’t.
• Recognize that your time and talent deserve better than dead weight.

You can believe in people. You can support them. But you can’t force them to care. At some point, you’ll need to stop waiting for others to catch up and start building with those who already get it.

And if you ever find yourself wondering why nothing’s moving, ask yourself this question: Who wants this more: me, or them?

Leadership, teamwork, even friendships, remember that they all come down to one question: Are we in this together, or am I doing this alone?

Living with Anxiety: What I Never Expected

For the past few months, I’ve been dealing with anxiety. It’s not new to me in the sense that my partner has suffered from it for years, and I have friends who also struggle with it. I always tried to empathize, but I never fully understood how debilitating it could be until I experienced it myself.

It’s hard to describe anxiety to someone who hasn’t felt it. The heart palpitations, the sense of impending doom, the sudden urge to cry or panic for no apparent reason. It’s like a storm in your mind, convincing you that the world is against you or that something terrible is just around the corner. At times, it feels like you’re on the brink of collapse or worse.

For me, anxiety is even scarier because I already have high blood pressure. When an anxiety attack hits, my fear of having a heart attack or stroke sends me spiraling into full-blown panic mode. Sometimes, I’m even afraid to go to sleep, worrying that I might not wake up. It’s a vicious cycle that’s hard to break, and the fear itself feeds the anxiety, making it worse.

Anxiety attacks don’t just affect my emotions—they take a physical toll as well. During worse episodes, I experience muscle spasms, headaches, nausea, and a complete loss of appetite. It’s incredibly hard to focus on work when I’m in pain, but I try my best to remain professional, especially during meetings. I’ve had to power through the discomfort and find ways to make up for lost time, often working nights and weekends when I feel capable.

I’m grateful that some of my clients are also friends. They’ve been understanding and don’t demand too much, which has been a blessing. Their kindness gives me a bit of breathing room to manage my work while navigating these challenges.

Social interactions have become especially challenging. I don’t want to meet people or engage in conversations that feel shallow or revolve around gossip and complaints. Those were already draining even before the anxiety, but now they feel unbearable. Instead, I’ve found comfort in spending time with empathetic and positive people. Even if we’re just sitting in silence, their presence makes me feel cared for, and that’s enough to recharge me.

One thing I want people to understand is that anxiety (and depression) doesn’t always stem from obvious triggers like a bad experience, hurtful relationships, or work stress. Sometimes, it just is. I’ve always been a positive, playful person, vibrant and full of energy. But that version of me feels like a distant memory. I miss her too, but I know I have to take things one step at a time.

Admitting that I’m struggling with anxiety and depression hasn’t been easy. I hate feeling vulnerable, and my default reaction is to bottle everything up. But I’ve realized how unhealthy that is. I don’t want my friends or family members who are going through similar struggles to feel the need to do the same.

For me, writing has always been a way to release that pressure. Whether it’s journaling or blogging, putting my thoughts into words helps me make sense of the chaos in my head. If you’re reading this and it resonates with you, I want you to know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to feel what you feel, and it’s okay to seek help or find your own way to cope.

We’re all works in progress, and that’s perfectly okay.

“Treat People the Way You Want to Be Treated” is a Misguided Advice

The classic Golden Rule most of us have heard goes something like this: "Treat people the way you want to be treated." This statement kept getting throw at our faces whenever we talk about effective communication and interpersonal relationships. For the longest time, I think it's downright a crappy advice.

Imagine you’re a social butterfly, an extrovert who thrives on human interaction. You love throwing parties, hosting game nights, and texting your friends about the latest thing that made you laugh. Now, if you follow this "Golden Rule", you treat everyone exactly the way you want to be treated. So, what happens when you cross paths with an introvert? 

Disaster. That’s what.

You probably think you’re doing them a favour by including them in every social gathering, inviting them out for coffee three times a week, and texting them hourly updates about your day. From your perspective, this is how you’d want to be treated. But to them? You’re suffocating them. Instead of treating you the way you want to be treated, they end up ghosting you. That'll be the opposite outcome of what you're hoping for.

My Personal Experience on How this Golden Rule Misfire

The year prior to the Covid-19 pandemic, my partner and I were going through a rough patch health-wise. Some well-meaning friends decided to follow the Golden Rule to a tee. They constantly checked in on us, asking how we were doing around the clock. While their intentions were good, it didn’t feel supportive, it felt intrusive.
We gently asked for some space to process things on our own. Their response? Showing up at our house uninvited, determined to "be there" for us. It was stressful. Imagine being physically and emotionally drained, and then having to entertain someone else’s expectations of what support should look like.
Safe to say, these friends are no longer in our lives. Their inability to respect our boundaries showed us that they weren’t really being empathetic as they were projecting their own needs onto us.

Why the Golden Rule Fails in Practice

Let me explain further why this advice doesn't hold this advice doesn’t hold up. It assumes everyone is like you! This is my biggest pet peeve, which is a clear case of trying to impose one's values or beliefs on others.

1. Different Personalities

Let me use the MBTI lingo here. What energizes one person might exhaust another. Extroverts may thrive on constant interaction, but introverts might find it draining. Imagine treating someone based on your own needs instead of theirs, your good intentions could easily be misinterpreted as overbearing.

2. Diverse Values

Some people value practicality over sentimentality. For instance, if you’re the type who loves grand gestures, you might shower a friend with gifts. But if they value quality time over material things, your effort could feel hollow. I personally feel overwhelmed when I receive gifts, I'll then feel the obligation to purchase gifts in return. But if I do know that gifts are their "love language," I'll do so at random moments, not necessarily on any special occasions as I don't like the stress of having to get something just for the sake of it.

3. Varied Coping Mechanisms

During tough times, people handle emotions differently. Some need a shoulder to cry on; others need solitude. Assuming everyone wants the same form of support can unintentionally make things worse. For me personally, being left alone works best. That's why I stopped telling people if I'm going through tough times. Their response has always been "Let's meet up and talk about it" which to me, it's making me way more stressed. I appreciate their good intentions but it's not what I need during my difficult times.

4. Cultural Differences

In some cultures, direct communication is appreciated; in others, it might be considered rude. Applying your cultural norms to someone with a different background could lead to misunderstandings or even offense.

5. Unsolicited Help

One of the biggest traps of the Golden Rule is assuming your help is always welcome. Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do is step back and let people handle things in their own way.

Out with the "Golden Rule", In with the Empathy Rule

Instead of treating people the way you want to be treated, treat them the way they want to be treated. This approach isn’t just kind, it’s empathetic. It requires you to step outside your own perspective and consider what the other person truly needs or values.

This means understanding that not everyone is wired like you. Your extroverted friend may love surprise visits and daily check-ins, but your introverted coworker might just want a text saying, “Hey, no pressure, but I’m here if you need anything.” The effort to tune in to someone’s unique preferences can make all the difference.

Here are some simple ways on how to do it:

1. Observe and Listen: Pay attention to how people communicate, what they prioritize, and how they behave.
2. Ask Directly: When in doubt, ask. A simple, “How can I support you?” or “What do you need right now?” shows that you care without assuming.
3. Respect Boundaries: If someone sets boundaries, like needing space, respect it. Don't call them when they clearly don't want to talk or show up at their home uninvited.
4. Adapt Your Approach: Flexibility is key. Adjust your behaviours based on what the other person values. For example, if a friend loves words of affirmation, try to compliment them.
5. Learn About Different Personalities: Tools like the MBTI or the Love Language helped me, and I think it can help you understand personality differences. While you shouldn’t box people into categories, these frameworks provide insights into how others think and feel.
6. Practice Emotional Intelligence: Cultivate skills like active listening, empathy, and emotional regulation. Being emotionally intelligent allows you to connect on a deeper level.

I understand some of us may have some questions or not fully agree with the approaches above. The following questions are asked of me before when I was sharing the empathetic approach, so I'm including them here with my responses.

"What if someone’s preferences are unclear?"

If you’re unsure, ask. It’s better to clarify than to assume. Most people appreciate the effort to understand their needs.

"It’s exhausting to cater to everyone’s preferences." 

Of course it takes effort. But practicing empathy doesn’t mean bending over backward for everyone. It’s about understanding what matters most to the people in your life and finding a balance that works for both of you. My personal approach is that I know I can only give a 100% care to a few people in my life and they're my priorities. For everyone else, I just need to find comfort in knowing someone else are caring for them. I'm only one person. I can't care for the world. Don't put the burden of that onto yourself. If you only have the capacity to care about two people, then just focus on those two.

"What if someone’s needs conflict with mine?"

Communication is key here. If a compromise isn’t possible, explain your situation honestly. Empathy isn’t about sacrificing yourself; it’s about mutual respect and understanding. I'm an introvert with the greatest number of extroverts as friends. I'm sure they can "survive" without meeting me all the time. I hang out with them occasionally but other than that, just knowing they're alive and well is good enough for me.

"Not everyone knows what they want."

Sometimes, people need time to figure it out. Why the need to for us to rush them to know what they want? Just continue with the basics be kind, be patient and be there if they want you to.

The Golden Rule is well-intentioned but it's too basic and ineffective. By treating people the way, they want to be treated, you build deeper, more meaningful relationships. You show respect, not just for their preferences but for their humanity.

Mashing Up My Interests in Writing and Drawing (A Throwback Post)

By July 2020, I was more settled into my new home. My Flow space was still a mess and come to think of it, it has always been a work in progress really. Even now, I can't seem to find my footing to create a proper Flow space even though the lighting is supposedly pretty great here in this room. My windows sort of face another block of building. I have a view of the recreational park in the building and a lake across the highway. It's really noisy and perhaps that's the main hindrance.

In mid-June the year we just moved here, we went to check out this commercial place called Tamarind Square in the neighboring town near our new place. There's this bookstore called BookXcess that I had been to in their other branches but this one opens 24 hours and I would say it’s the biggest I’ve been so far. It has a nice section dedicated to graphic novels and comics. I went crazy! I only bought one Marvel visual chronicle book and a visual catalogue kind of book by Threadless.

For a while in 2020, all cooped up at home due to Covid, I sort of dove into my love for literature and visual arts. So, that led me to comic arts! As I’ve mentioned before, I used to draw when I was a kid and I created my own comic book. It’s not something entirely new to me so I’m picking up where I left off. That was more than two decades ago and I have lots to catch up for sure. Being a gamer and a huge Marvel fan helps a lot as I’ve been exposed to superheroes and animated characters along the way.

I enrolled in this EdX course called The Rise of Superheroes and Their Impact On Pop Culture and it’s taught by Dr. Michael Uslan. The course also featured Stan Lee! My purpose was to learn the history of comic books and how it came to influence our culture. I would highly recommend this course to any comic fans. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been reading comics for years or just getting started, it’s truly nice to learn the history and the artists that influenced the industry.

Apart from that, I was binge-watching Behind the Artist on Curiosity Stream as well to learn more about the artistic world of Vincent Van Gogh and Pablo Picasso.

Finding Clarity in My Creative Pursuits (A Throwback Post)

My whole entrepreneurial journey since 2011 when I left my job was a series of experiments and exploration. Whenever I ventured into something new, I would get excited and enjoyed it for a little while. There was never a burning desire or that assurance that it’s going to stick for long. That’s what it meant to be a multipotentialite in business!

As I reflect upon my creative exploration, this post pretty much summed up the relevant details of my life that brought me to my decision to be involved with arts and crafts. I didn’t suddenly hit my head and decided to be all artsy. It was a series of events that led up to this day.

Before 2000

I think most children grow up watching cartoons and playing video games back in the 90s so I guess I was no exception. I was an imaginative one with story-telling ability. Yes, I used past tense because the imaginative side of me has gone dormant since I'm busy adulting. I remember I would huddled with my brother and our friends in the room, lit a candle and I started telling them horror stories. I didn’t know the stories beforehand. I made it up as I go and I enjoyed doing just that. Now that I think of it, I was like a dungeon master in the making.

When I wasn’t running around the neighbourhood with my brother and our friends, I would be drawing my own comic book. I wish I didn’t trash those sketch books so I can reminisce. My drawings weren't polish at all but I was pretty proud of the storyline. I stopped when I went to high school.

In high school, I was still playing video games but I stopped drawing. I was more into what other teenagers are into; pop music and teen movies. I started the hobby of collecting stamps and making scrapbooks. I would cut up images from newspapers and magazines on my favourite movies and Spice Girls (hey don’t judge!), then I would make a collage and compile it in my scrapbook.

2000 – The Imprisonment of My Inner Artist

After I graduated from high school, I didn’t even touch or think of art at all. I was writing a lot. I wrote diary daily, recording almost every single event. If I could write my thesis the way I wrote diary in my high school, I would have gotten a couple of PhDs by now.

When I attended university, my diary gradually turned into my journal as I began to put more emphasis on my thoughts rather than the events of the day. Apart from journaling, I started writing fiction. I enjoyed creating characters, planning out their backstories and crafting plots. These stories, unlike my comic, is saved! I re-read them sometimes to seek inspiration.

As time passed, I would stop writing stories and in my journal for weeks, months and sometimes years, especially after graduation. Since I started working, there was just too much distractions and commitments.

Although my major was marketing, I ended up specializing in human resource related profession. I was in corporate training industry as a consultant and instructional designer. The part of my job that I enjoyed most was creating presentations, workbooks and marketing brochures. The word design didn’t exist for me. I didn’t think I was designing. I thought I was just making things visually more appealing to make the programmes marketable and engaging to the audience.

2013 – 2015

I cannot recall why I decided to take a course in computer graphics but I did. Perhaps I was having too much free time at hand and just wanted to learn something new. After completing the short course, I planned to put it to good use to get my return on investment for the course. I started using Illustrator to churn out a few typographic designs. I uploaded my designs to Zazzle and printed a few hundred T-shirts to sell at bazaar. It was an amazing experience. I’ve even started a company with my partner.

One thing led to another, we were approached by an FMCG brand who wanted to print T-shirts for their promoters all over Malaysia. That first  year we got started, we actually made almost a hundred thousand. That kickstarted our company direction to move towards merchandise and corporate printing.

In 2014, I started my Etsy store. I started designing graphics for businesses to be made into rubberstamps, printed into business cards, postcards and other marketing materials. I don’t have a degree in graphic design so I didn’t know any theory in design whatsoever. I just went with the flow and focus on creating designs that satisfy my clients.

2016

I was trying to tap into the whole food blogging so I began café-hopping with my partner and friends. We would explore old and new cafes, trying to find the ones that were “Instagrammable.” This experience made me appreciate the aesthetic side of things. I stopped food blogging eventually because I was hopeless at photography. Besides, I eat to live, not the other way around like most people.

One café in my hometown called Coffee Ink stood out among the rest. Apart from the great coffee and friendly staff, it was the artistic nature of the café. The owner himself is an artist and I’ve been admiring his work. I thought to myself then that I would be so happy if I could draw half as good as him. 

One day, I saw a picture posted on the cafe’s Facebook page on a painting class in session. I expressed my interest for the next painting class, but I also tried my luck asking if he teaches drawing. He said yes! That was when I picked up pencil and begin drawing again.

It was amazing learning from him because he was so natural at teaching. After a few sessions, I got busy with my business, so we didn’t advance the class further. I abandoned my sketch book and drawing tools. It pained me each time I looked at them stored away in my drawer.

2020

The world is on lockdown due to the coronavirus outbreak that claimed so many lives. I’ve been working from home for years so it’s not much of a difference. But it did impact my business for a bit because apart from designing, majority of my income comes from the printing side. Suddenly I have a few extra hours a day to spend. This is the moment I let my inner artist out to play. Best decision ever!

It wasn’t anything serious at first. I took out my old sketch book that I abandoned and started sketching the first thing that came to mind; lighthouse. I love lighthouses. After that I inked it with my fountain pen which I also abandoned for a while. I decided to post it on my Instagram. Since everyone else including me have been posting about food, I thought it would be refreshing to post something different.

I got hooked! I didn’t know it was a momentary thing or going to affect me deeply. I just wanted to keep drawing and learn about design. As usual, I can be quite obsessive with learning. I started reading blogs and books, listen to audiobooks and podcasts, watch documentaries and signed up for online courses that are related to art and design.

It was an overwhelming experience that I lost sleep and desire to do anything else but continue to learn. Oh boy at that moment I just knew it would stick. I even told my mentor a few days later that I’m seriously rethinking what I’m going to do.

The YouTube short below is a random compilation of my sketches.

This post was originally published on May 5th, 2020 on my lifestyle turned gaming blog but have been edited and  updated.

The Gift of Vulnerability: How Opening Up Brought Good People Into My Life

I wrote most of the thoughts here back then in original piece published on August 2009. I titled it as "I Attracted My Besties into My Life" because I was reflecting on how grateful I was to have certain people coming into my life even though I had a bad experience with friends during my high school years.

For a short time after I left high school, I was very guarded against strangers. I didn't want to share personal details about me and I didn't trust people easily. It took me years before I managed to overcome this lack of trust towards my friends. It was something a friend and mentor said that struck me, "You can't get hurt if you allow yourself to be hurt." In other words, if you're willing to be open and vulnerable to people, they can't hurt you because the power and choice are yours alone.

From there onwards, I started to look at things differently and treated my friends differently. I'm more accepting and trusting. If they betray me, well, that's because I allow them to, so it's my choice. I wouldn't be hurt because I decided to be vulnerable to them in the first place. In fact, it's an effective way to ward off negative people with bad intentions. Being an INFJ, I'm perfectly capable of executing a "door slam" to people who betrayed my trust. In another word, it's telling them "You're dead to me."

Today, when I think back, I understand exactly why I used to get people who pretended to be my friends just to get something out of me. I attracted them with my fear of losing friends. But now that I see the transition of being a negative thinker to a positive one, I realized that many wonderful friends I have today who are authentic, caring and reliable are the results of my positive attitude and how I accept them for who they are without judging them. They may have flaws but I love them all the same.

I'm not saying I won't ever bump into some back-stabbers and hypocrites. If I do come across people like this, they will not be with me for long as our energy vibrates at a different level. Negative people will always get bounced off by positive people. Like the typical phrase salespeople like to use: "Some will, some won't, so what? NEXT!"

Pantai Tanjung Rhu at Carey Island

This is no white-sand beach with a fancy resort like the Tanjung Rhu in Langkawi. This is a fishing spot with the same name in Carey Island, Selangor located in the South of Port Klang.

We had a planned lunch at the restaurant nearby so we thought we would just drive past the plantation towards the seaside to….well, look at the sea of course…just for the heck of it since I love seaside. There’s really nothing much to do so we just stood there for a while. It’s always relaxing to hear the waves crashing sound and also the clear blue sky.

From here, you can look out and see the huge tankers and ships in the middle of the sea.

As we were leaving, the stray dogs we spotted earlier were running towards a cat. I had a strong urge of petting the puppies but I was worried the bitch will bite me for touching her offspring, ya know. A friendly fisherman whom we referred to as only “uncle” because we forgot to ask for his name, showed up from his hut and told us we can pet the dogs.

Uncle started to tell us that the dogs are loyal companions of the fishermen there but they’re actually strays. He asked if we would like to adopt the puppies. I politely declined because we already have two dogs at home. He said he’ll feed them whenever he’s there or they won’t be fed. Note to self: bring food for the doggies next time.

Look at how cute this fella is. You can actually drive there and bring him home if you want.

Anyhow, Uncle said he’ll go fishing in the noon and will be done by 3pm so we should come by that time if we want to get fresh fishes and crabs. We bought some before our lunch date with our friends just to support him. Not much of a support as 1kg of mix of fish only cost us a mere RM10. 

Note to self: Buy fruits for Uncle next time and bring an icebox so he doesn’t have to give us extra ice. Extra note to self: Bring more cash to tip him because fishermen by the seaside don’t have e-wallets and credit card machine.

Vain-pots need a selfie before we leave la.

Why I’d Rather Post Content on Blog than on Facebook

People use social media like Facebook to share their thoughts, experiences, life stories, and also Bernie Sanders meme (LOL). I actually do enjoy reading those stuff but Facebook is too “noisy.”

Commenting on Facebook is so easy that the comment section can end up being hijacked by keyboard warriors and filled up with people’s opinions. They start commenting before they finish reading. Heck! Most don’t even read. They skim through and begin typing their comments. Some of us (including me) skipped to the comment section right away.

In blogs, however, commenting takes a little bit more effort. Without the distraction of the endless posts and (again) Bernie Sanders meme on your newsfeed, you most likely will finish reading the blog post, reflect on it, form an opinion and decide if you want to comment…nicely, I hope.

Hence, I would rather write content and post it on my blog rather than on Facebook. Moreover, the blog belongs to me. I paid for the domain and hosting. Social networking sites don’t belong to me. They could change their content policy and I have no control over it.

While I don’t post content on Facebook, I have to admit it’s a good distribution platform where most bloggers can gain more readers if they share their posts on Facebook. That’s probably what brought you here. Plus, you can pretty much tell if they read your blog post before they comment or they just comment based on the headlines.

Facebook is a wonderful place for me to share interesting and funny stuff I come across as well as quick updates. But for serious shit that takes longer than 2-3 paragraphs that I need to get out of my system, I post it in my blog.

Just Because You Like Something Doesn’t Mean You Have to Do It

I used to feel guilty about not putting some time aside to do the things I like to do or rather the things I think I like. No matter what I did, I would feel like I was missing out on something.

So what are the things I like but I don’t spend enough time doing them? Well, for a multipotentialite, the list could be really long one but what I could think of now are:

• Reading classic literature: I read a hell lot but just not classic literature. I find the old English hard to understand or perhaps I don’t read enough to have that kind of comprehension.
• Drawing and painting: I like being artsy but I don’t spend enough time on it. I sketch and draw only when I’m in the mood, which can be quite rare.
• Dancing: I haven’t dance in a long while. I used to be really good at it but I doubt I can coordinate any moves now.
• Reading comics: I know comic characters and most of their backstories. When I talk about comics, people would think I’m a huge comic fan but am I if I hardly read comics?
• Writing fiction: I’m a rather imaginative person. I have tons of made-up stories to fill up a couple of novels….only if I find time to sit down and write them.
• Playing guitar: I like being able to play some songs on my guitar. I know how to play but I’m not good at it because I don’t play enough to be good at it.

We all have 24 hours a day. No matter how bloody effective we are at managing it, we definitely don’t have the time to do all the things we want to do, hence there’s no way in hell I could do all the things I listed above.

I guess it’s easier and for my sanity’s sake to not ever have to feel that guilt. It’s best to just go with the flow and do whatever the heck we enjoy and want to do at that moment. And who says we need to be really good at something to enjoy it? You don’t need to be good at what you enjoy doing unless you want to make a career out of it.

What it Means to be an Autodidact

Image: pixabay.com

If you’re a multipotentialite with learning as your hobby (like yours truly), there’s a high chance you’re also an autodidact unless you’re a multimillionaire who can afford to spend your fortune to hire teachers in every subjects or skill you want to learn.

According to the dictionary, an autodidact (also known as a self-taught or a self-educated person) learn without the guidance of teachers. They choose the subjects or the skills they want to learn, assemble their own resources, establish their own pace, and determine the depth of their learning.

In this time period where we’re blessed with Google, Wikipedia (although they may not be accurate most of the time), YouTube, and many platforms providing limitless information, it spurred an ongoing debate. Can we still refer to ourselves as autodidacts or self-taught people if say we learn drawing from watching video tutorials on YouTube?

The short answer is yes.

But we’re learning from books, videos, audios, and whatever forms of materials that are derived from someone else who may or may not be experts in the subject, how is that self-taught?

Okay, when you’re in the classroom with a teacher, do you just sit there listening to the teacher without any visual aids? No books? No additional reading materials or handouts? No demonstration?

Get it? You use all those resources to learn despite having a teacher to guide you! Being an autodidact means you’re now playing the role of a teacher as well. There’s more to it. There are some key features to identify an autodidact.

The Key Features of an Autodidact

1. You’re Curious

When you take on a liking to certain topics, you just have the urge to learn everything about it. You started going rampage on finding for resources online, seeking out people who have similar interests and you can talk about it excitedly around the clock.

2. You’re Self-Initiated

You seek out available resources to learn without depending on others. If there are no pre-existing resources available, you find alternatives or launch your own experimentations. If you can afford, you’re willing to pay to acquire that knowledge and resources that you could use.

3. You’re Open-Minded

If you look hard enough, most bodies of knowledge are interconnected. If you’re only learning whatever it is you’re learning and not look beyond that particular subject, you’re limiting yourself and will ultimately hit a dead end. You need to have an open mind in order to unlearn and relearn so you can connect the dots.

4. You Personalize Your Learning

You watch TedTalks, documentaries, attend seminars, local workshops, and online classes (Coursera or EdX). You sketchnote, write journals, blogs about it, and participate in online forum discussion.

5. You Enjoy Learning

Being an auto-didact obviously means you’re in love with learning. You don’t need a teacher or a guru to push you to learn, you just enjoy learning so much that it becomes like a life mission to gain that knowledge and obtain that skills.

You Can Become an Autodidact!

Anyone can easily watch YouTube videos or look for information online to learn how to bake or cook, how to use Illustrator, how to fix a leaky pipe, etc. These are all examples of autodidacts. Therefore, you’ve probably engaged in autodidacticism without knowing it. Becoming an autodidact can be beneficial to anyone. It’s a great habit to acquire as you’ll become more self-reliant and knowledgeable in many areas. Pick a hobby, a skill, or a craft that you have an interest in and try to learn it on your own.

Stop Imposing Your Values or Beliefs on Others

 

Growing up, we were taught to believe in certain things or hold certain values by our parents, teachers, or authority figures. While it’s not necessarily a bad thing to pass on teachings and values to the younger generation, some of us go to the extent of imposing it not just on children but also on our peers.

Imagine you have a guest invited into your house and they start commenting on how your furniture should be arranged. Sounds annoying, right? That’s what it feels like when we impose our beliefs or values on others. It’s like redecorating someone’s mind without their permission.

When I learned about personality type, we’re constantly reminded not to “pigeon-hole” people or try to impose the “Be Like Me” concept. What this means was to have a preconception about people, putting labels on them and wanting them to be more like us in order for us to like them.

About 10 years ago, I was in an MLM business. I was still working a full-time job, but I was sold on the idea of creating a “passive income” so I could quit my job. I didn’t hate my job, but that’s the idea that most MLM business builders impose on new recruits. They’re telling you that a 9-to-5 job is meaningless in order to get you on board. Typically, it’s about working towards achieving financial or time freedom. Quit your job, fire your boss, that sort of thing.

I used the same approach the MLM leaders taught me and started "preaching" to others the same way. Obviously, those who are not very happy with their current jobs were happy to be presented with an opportunity to “get out.” I was even trying to sell my best friend the idea of financial freedom. I can’t recall the exact words she said, but what she said struck me. She asked me if I’ve ever wondered if some people are happy employees who don’t mind the 9–5 and actually enjoy what they do. Well, of course I stopped talking to her about the MLM business.

It was years later that I came to the realization that I had been influenced to believe that happiness is when I don’t need to be in the office 9–5 and have a boss. But I was happy! I enjoyed waking up early, going to work, having a boss guiding or mentoring me, having lunch with my colleagues, etc. While I also enjoy my flexibility as an entrepreneur, I do miss those days when I was a corporate employee.

Reasons Not to Impose Our Beliefs or Values on Others

We've all been guilty of imposing our beliefs or values on others. We want others to behave like us, do what we do, and think like us. At what expense?Broken trust and bitter relationships?

Here are 4 reasons we should not impose our beliefs or values on others:

1. It’s a narcissistic thing to do

Just because you’re right doesn’t mean they’re wrong. Imposing your beliefs is like saying, “My way is the only way, and you’re clearly doing life wrong.” Nobody likes a “me, me, me” showrunner.

Don’t be like narcissists who think their beliefs and values are the ideal for everyone to follow. Would you want to interact with people who don’t listen to you and constantly try to take control or steal your autonomy?

2. It makes people feel that you don’t care about them

People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. If your conversations feel more like debates than dialogues, you might be missing the point of human connection.

I remember back in high school, I had this “friend” who would impose what she likes on me. There was once I went for a weekend getaway with her. She kept forcing me to try her favourite food although I actually didn’t like some of those foods. It didn’t matter to me it was the best she ever had, I still didn’t like it. Needless to say, that was the last trip I’ve ever had with her.

3. It can be disrespectful or offensive

I grew up and live in a multi-cultural society. We were taught to be culturally aware. We don’t offer pork to our Muslim friends and beef to our Hindu friends. Apart from religious values, we also have lifestyle values that we should respect.

Once, the cashier at the checkout counter in a grocery said, “It’s just 20 cents for a plastic bag” to the shopper who probably did some last-minute shopping. He chose to hold all his items because he didn’t have a bag with him. For an environmentalist, it’s not about that 20 cents, it’s about the plastic bag. I bet he wouldn’t even want that plastic bag if it was free.

Everyone’s belief system is as unique and as long as it doesn’t harm others, we should mind our own business. When you trample on that, you risk offending them or coming across as tone-deaf. Remember, one person’s “profound wisdom” might be another person’s “bad punchline.”

4. It might cost you the relationship

While I understand a little bit of push can be helpful especially when we know it’s going to add value to people’s lives. However, if we want to persuade someone to do something, we first need to understand and make sure we’re on the same page.

I lost a customer once for making this mistake of forcing her to agree with me. She insisted on a certain design that just didn’t make sense to me. I tried “influencing” her to agree with the design I proposed. After a few rounds of arguments, she reluctantly agreed with my art direction.

Somehow, I just got the feeling that she just wanted to get it over with and be done with me. I never hear back anymore. I made a mistake by not trying to understand why she wanted things a certain way.

If you push too hard, people might push you away. Friendship, family, or romantic relationships are built on trust and mutual respect, not a relentless game of “Who’s Right?” You can win an argument and still lose a friend — hardly a victory worth celebrating.

How We Can Do Better and Not Impose Our Beliefs or Values onto Others?

The next time you catch yourself trying to impose your beliefs or values on others, try the following instead:

1. Practice Empathy
Understand their perspective without trying to fix it. Is what you’re trying to do for their best interests or yours? What’s the objective you’re trying to achieve? Do you know what their desires and beliefs are?

2. Respect Their Autonomy
Think of people as the captains of their own ships. Sure, you can share navigation tips, but you’re not the one steering. Offer insights only when they’re open to it, and remember: unsolicited advice is often unwelcome advice. Ask yourself if pushing this further can impact your relationship with this person in a negative way?

3. Ask Questions Instead of Making Statements
Curiosity is your best friend. Instead of saying, “You’re wrong,” try, “What makes you feel that way?” Questions invite discussion while statements often end it.

You can avoid a lot of unnecessary conflicts and confrontations with others by asking people questions. I made known my intention to understand and not judge.

4. Embrace Differences
If we all believed the same thing, life would be as exciting as plain toast. I personally enjoy having people who can disagree with me and then give me their perspectives. Of course there are people who disagree with you for the sake of going against you but that’s a story for another day.

Diversity in thoughts, values, and experiences makes the world richer. Celebrate the variety instead of trying to make everyone fit your mold. Learn from them instead and expand your horizon.

5. Set Boundaries for Yourself
Sometimes, it’s about knowing when to stop. If you feel an irresistible urge to correct someone’s worldview, take a moment, breathe, and repeat this mantra: “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”

At the end of the day, imposing your beliefs is like trying to make everyone like your favorite ice cream flavor. Sure, you think it’s the best, but the world is better with variety. So, next time you feel tempted to “fix” someone’s perspective, take a step back and remember: everyone’s on their own journey, and it’s not your job to hand them a map.

Who knows, these practices might just help you become a better communicator, which could improve your persuasion skills without having people feel that you’re imposing your values on them.

Recommended Books to Build Empathy and Respect Perspectives

As someone who enjoys reading, I can’t end this without some books recommendation on this topic.

1. The Art of Communicating by Thich Nhat Hanh
   This book blends mindfulness with communication to help you connect more meaningfully.
2. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler
   Packed with practical tips for navigating tough conversations without setting off fireworks.
3. Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg
   A masterclass in speaking and listening with compassion, perfect for navigating sensitive topics.